thoughts running crazily through my mind. through my head. through my heart. through my veins. everything is so right. everything is so wrong. so so so wrong. the songs dont hit me like they did yesterday. your songs always hit me hard. always. i want to hear you sing. i want to see your soul. i want to fix you up. i want to fix him up. i want to fix him up. i want to fix me up. i want to. i dont know what to do. i could read. i should read. i wont read. im thinking. im typing. im lost.

"she said always be afraid."

i want real. i want genuine. all the time. dont lie to me. dont please. i found what i was looking for. i found what i wasnt looking for. and im still looking for some things. i guess thats how itll always be. we look and we find. we find half of what we are looking for and the other half is a surprise. something we didnt know we were looking for. sometimes its something we already had. its something i already have. your something i never had. someone ill never have.

"you make it hard to love you, but i just do it even more."

so much to do. so little to actually ever be done. i cross off one thing i add on another. its always something. cant dwell on this list that always haunts me. never have i finished one whole list. never. i get too caught up. caught. i get caught. no one there to catch me. i get caught. theres a difference. and im okay. i have my moments. but im okay. i wont treat you differently. i will always love you. from the inside. from the outside. and you will know that i love you. you will know. ill never let you forget. you. yes you. my friend on the side of the road begging for just a quarter. my friend outside the coffee shop crying from the night before. you. my friend on the sidewalk with your backpack. all alone with your backback. yes you. all of you. more of you. i love you. and i care. i cant fix you. i cant fix me either. but i can love you. that is all i can do, that is all i have to give. oh but im giving it to you. all my love. i love you. i love you. i love you. i mean it. i love you. look at me. stop running. stop looking. start crying. start breaking. start feeling. start letting. stop building. let it go. let me. i love you.

"love, he'll look for me first in any crowded room. love is waiting up ahead. he'll swear i hung the moon. and ill finally know the truth. ill finally know the truth. it wont be you. it wont be you."

dont try to figure me out. dont try to tell me what to do. dont tell me to stop thinking. thinking is what i do best. i talk in circles but i think so well. my mind is always churning. always turning. im always changing my mind. dont call me close minded. im open to new ways new ideas new people. i am firm when i speak because i do think before i speak. i do. and dont act like you dont know that. you know i think. just because im not like you. thats what it is. im not like you. if we dont fill the spaces of waiting then we will always be waiting. dont just fill the spaces but love the inbetween. adore the inbetween. i live in the inbetween. life is not about the finish line. its not even a race. we race in life but its not a race. we dont have winners and losers. we have those who keep pushing. those who keep the faith. those who may stumble and fall but never stop going. always going. always living. not always moving but always going. and then we have those who give up. plain and simple. they just give up. no ones burden is heavier than his neighbors. we all carry something so heavy. and it always hurt. but we have to keep going. in life there are no winners and losers. just those who keep fighting and those who give up.

"i never asked you to try"

"im stronger than this ive been through this before. but whats one more lesson when the stolen moments are worth living for"

song of the day: stolen by julie moffitt