theres something about the taste of black coffee. the darkness just rolling around on my tongue. today it is comforting. today it warms me up. right down to my soul. i think my dreams mean something. i think they are telling me something i already know but refuse to do. my subconcious is speaking to the side of me that makes all the decisions. the flighty less reliable side. its black coffee today. not drowned out in creamer and sugar like most days. today is a grown up day. a day to make grown up decisions. a day to get things done. to wake up from dreamworld and accomplish something. to get off this computer and finish that list that i never seem to remember where i put. i have big dreams. i have things i want to do. i dont need someone to hold me back. someone would hold me back right? i cant accomplish my goals with some right there beside me. encouraging me all the way. constantly reminding me what im worth. its different when you put it that way isnt it. yes, yes it is. you didnt walk in talking all these big words and telling me all these big things. you just looked. looked right through me. lost your sunglasses in the ocean. lost your mask that could have kept me out. but oh the waves took it away. and left us with nothing but eachother. and oh you saw right through me. right past what no one knew me as. and while we were looking for what you lost, we found something else. we found eachother. you didnt find those sunglasses but you found me. and the sun shined and we didnt mind. and the rain poured but that didnt stop you from coming with me. and you are like this perfect pot of coffee. best pot ive ever made. i had decided to keep you from my mind, but i had a dream and then this stupid pot of coffee. dangerously dark and warms me right to the soul. oh and its fleeting. all these good things. i can almost see the bottom of my mug. and before long it will be gone. just like you and i. are we even allowed to be in the same sentence. just like you. you will be gone. and ill be here drinking coffee drowned in creamer. because very rarely do i ever make it just right. rarely do i ever get things just exactly so. and im okay with that. it makes moments like this that much more accomplished feeling. and so here i am. finding you in cups of coffee and in daytime dreams and occasionally in a song or two or really just every song i listen to. really listen to. and these are your words not mine. this isnt over. and do you really want to know what i think. i think its not over because we havent ended it. one day you will find me in the waves again and ill find you and we will end what we never started. and i will be fine with that. just so long as i get to see you one more time. one last time. but for now. for now for now for now. i will drink this coffee and know that this isnt over.

song of the day: if its the beaches by the avett brothers