hello old friend. i have been meaning to write you for a while now. life has been kind of crazy lately. but really when is it not. i have this friend. and she told me. she told me "this too shall pass". and she couldnt have been more right. because sooner or later that thing that weighs you down shall pass. but she forgot to mention that something else would come along and take its place. its this neverending cylce of passing to and fro. reoccurring and never to be heard from again. she also failed to inform me that not only will this heaviness on my heart pass so will the happy days. the fleeting moments where i feel so so so so alive. and friends. they come and go. and come and go and go and go. and some come back. and some never leave. but sometimes youre alone. sometimes you eat chinese takeout and listen to pandora all night long. and sometimes you like. sometimes you love. i have had a lot of days in my life. and i can honestly tell you that my favorite days are the ones with chinese takeout. the ones where i sit and talk to myself. the days that i realize my life is exactly that. its mine. i can eat what i want and hear what i want. and see what i want. and i can feel what i want. and what i dont want. and i give you the power to change me. to hurt me. to love me. i give you that. you cant steal a persons heart. only touch their soul. and i can give you my heart to do with what you will. i poured it out. in anger i spilled it on the floor. and you recieved me. and saw this was no performance. this here im showing you is my heart and you felt it. and i was terrified but you just watched me lay it all down. in desperation i searched for the words. words fail me. so i dance. and you may not understand. i dont expect you to. and so i dance. you will not understand. but you will feel, for if only a moment, what im feeling. and you were holding the most precious thing in the world to me thats mine. all the words i never say. all the feelings im afraid to feel. all the stories no one knows. the unspoken. the dance. danced. and so i dance.