love can get you there

its a sad day when you realize youve been lied to. it really hurts. and its even sadder when youve known it all along. and its even sadder when its your little sister. or maybe i should feel good about it. the fact that she lies to me because she knows i wont like what shes doing. that maybe i have taught her right from wrong. or maybe thats innate. maybe she just knows its wrong and it has nothing to do with what ive tried to teach her. but in the end i have failed. failed as a teacher, failed as a sister, failed as a best friend. because there is a root to why she wont tell me. is it because she will feel ashamed? because she feels i wont accept her? have i done so wrong as to not teach her that its never never never her that i am angry at, but at the sin that eats her alive. im so angry at the lies she believes to believe that its okay to make poor choices. I can only pray. because for now she doesnt know i am her best friend. when the whole world leaves her hanging i will be right here loving her. and my older sister too. i love them more than all their friends and boyfriends combined. and i cannot wait for the day they both realize how precious they are to me. but i will wait. and know that that day will come. it will come. the day they can both look me in the eyes. tell me the truth and know i love them no matter what they do. because what they do does not define who they are. and who they are is two beautiful beautiful people. beautiful souls. with so much to give. they are my sisters. and i look forward to the day i get to call them my best friends.

this whole no facebook thing is really really hard. harder than i had anticipated. i mean i always knew how much time i spent on the thing. but wow. too much time. so much wasted time. im not sure what ive learned from this whole experience. but something shall be learned. and once the answer gets whispered in my ear i shall share it with you all. hah all two of you. my only followers.

i went a whole couple days not listening to music. i mean nothing but the commercial music that is on the commercials on tv. well and the frays old cd with how to save a life on it. just back and forth to dance. so okay let me start over. i went a couple days not listening to music that i hadnt grown numb to. yes sorry fray, if youre out there reading this thing, i have grown numb to your how to save a life cd. but anyways i was setting an alarm for the next day and the song everythings right by matt wertz swam into my ears and it wrapped me in warmth. mmm it was good and beautiful. and i dont ever want to go without music that makes me feel that way. it is pretty inspirational. this paragraph had no point.

and the past. it always come back to haunt you. im not who i was yesterday. and im definitely not who i was years ago.

and God does hold all of our tears in jars. and he has them all. every one.

love goes a long way. it goes right to the heart and sometimes the heart is a far away place to get to. but love can get you there.

yes love can get you there.

song of the day: blood bank by bon iver