hate him

ive been struggling quite a lot here lately. im getting really real right now. i started questioning everything and everyone and every every something. and its getting me down down down. and friends are hard to come by. even in dark days. and its true. what the author said. there is one thing we never learn and that is how not to hurt eachother. and how to just ask stupid questions. and to get ridiculous answers. and how to just tell people how we feel. and how people just sometimes do the exact thing you hate them to do. but how to tell them to stop when its really not that huge of a deal. but then again it is. because its coming between you two and they dont even know it. because of fear to tell them. or her or him. or whoever it is. what am i so afraid of? my problems are nothing. really theyre not. ugh

i dont know much of anything right now except for that God is so so so so BIG. and so mighty and so loving and so magnificent. im in love with the breather of the stars. the stars are Gods very breath.

and im distracted. how can the evil one use things like bad manners to make me hate people. little tiny minute details and characteristics of people to draw out tension and anger. i hate him. i hate the evil. that i let it prevail. i hate it. it hurts me so so so so deeply. i can stop him. he can have no power over me. but i need to pray more and love more and see more and fear less and see God more and put it all in his hands. but satan knows just where to hit me. its not in the storms its in the constant bickering and picking of the ones im around the most. its the little insignificant things that stir up an inner anger and hate towards the people i love. i hate him hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate him.