my best friend watched me dance this weekend. best thing i could have ever asked her for. she asked me what i was hiding. and the thing was is that she already knew. and she brought to the surface the fact that i was hiding something. or someone really. or really feelings for someone. those other someones caused me to write beautiful things but im not gonna be able to dance. to really dance with my everything to my greatest potential until i can face this that ive been hiding. and im running from it to. because i dont know what to do with the way i feel. so im running away and calling him my friend. but thats not good. not good for me or my dancing. like this one person that became the reason for my best friend to dance again. well i dont know that ive ever really danced. not without holding back. she saw it. saw my holding back. saw my fears. sees them. presently. and shes right. im holding back. because its a parallel to my life. this is the hardest and most liberating and most frustrating thing ive ever ever ever done. and some guy back stage he told me that i am some girls twin. some woman that teaches ballet out in berkeley california. except for i forgot her name the minute i walked away. and tried to look her up but one can only get so far on google typing in "berkeley ballet instructor". and so i decided im better off. because im not that girl. im tori. and im holding back. and i can be so much greater. if i just stop hiding. hiding the real meaning of this dance thats had me at second or lower since ive done it. i didnt choose the song, the song chose me. and so im gonna take a whack at deciphering me for a moment. bear with me. me whole two readers.


..............................................................................................................................................................
i sat here for ten minutes. those dot dot dots represent ten minutes. i cant do it. not right now. maybe later.

lyrics of the day:"world wait forever never, take the time, done break my heart again." world waits jeremy enigk