sight. its something else. but really though. it is. touching. feeling. smelling. hearing. each in a category of its own. but sight gets my focus today. ehh focus. mmm. to see. you didnt see me. in plain view. if you want me to. im afraid ive made it too easy for you. mmmm. i have. you dont see me. never did. and just like with her. im there if you turn around. but you arent turning around. the symbolism. is always there. im sorry that ive been your temporary comfort. this is best for the both of us. before we get to a place that i dont want to be. but you, you dont know life outside of what was. youre living in the past, and baby let me tell you im not in the past. im here. now. but im behind you. and youre gonna have to turn around if you want to see me. you, youre living in the future too. living in the place you wanna be, not seeing where you are, what you are now. and someone is out there looking for me. he is. i know he is. he is looking. looking with his whole heart. and he will find me. because im looking for him. looking in all the wrong places but looking all the same. and everything has led me up to this moment. every decision, every situation. of everyone else too. has pointed me to this moment in time where i see it. see it clearer than i ever saw it before. see the road that is going to be long and hard and hurtful. but its a road and its leading somewhere. im not even gonna say for now this time. because its not for now. its forever. forever you arent mine and im not yours. because he is going to see me. i will not say "here i am". he will say "there you are." there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are there you are. he will say it for everytime ive said "where are you" where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you where are you. and ive seen the signs. and ignored them all. but ive read the books and seen the movies and heard the songs. so it must be true. why would i lie to myself. why. why. why. things are better repeated. stay in youre brain that way. ive been bombarded with the answers. now i know. experience has taught me. and taught me well. i wont say once and for all. but i will say well. my new list. consists of the senses. the real list. ive had rough drafts. you need rought drafts to make the ultimate list. and so here is the new list. im posting this one. it cant be copied or faked. because ill know when its true. yes sir. ill know when you find me. and youll know it too. so if you dont know it, then its not you. its not you. its not you. its not you. its not you. its not you.
the list
see me
listen to me
touch me
taste me
smell me
all on his own. without any hesitation.
in the confidence that everything he has been working towards has brought him to this moment.
the moment we meet
and we wont need any others
not once we have found eachother
and yes, call me crazy
call me a hopeless romantic
call me a fool
call me what you will
but i know
and he knows
im gonna come back in the fall
im gonna be a good student
im gonna go to chile
im gonna speak spanish
im gonna student teach
im gonna sing
im gonna dance
im gonna graduate
im gonna move to chicago
im gonna teach
im gonna live
im gonna breathe
im gonna wait
God will provide
thats why im naming my daughter providence
and my son journey
because God has provided for me in this journey called life
today i wrote on my hands
i wrote "do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"
okay
okay
okay
okay
okay
i wont
i will wait
i will not hide
and you will find me
and Jesus will be teaching me how to love you when you come
and he will be teaching me how to know when ive been found
thank you for not giving up on me. i know its hard in the storms. in the fog. in the battle
i love you.