change

its inevitable. school is coming to a close for the summer. friends are shifting and others are shaping. some are packing up and heading out. never to return again. some will be back. some will become my best friends. some will not. some will fade away. some confuse me. and its funny, not in the way that funny is meant to be but funny. funny in the way thats not right. its funny how people know who they are. which friends im speaking of. but people dont know. i know. because its my blog. and there are times when i dont know. and ill let you know. but today i know. i know that the stars are shifting. and the world is cracking. coming together or coming undone i dont know which. i feel as though its coming together. for if it is the other then it is coming undone for the good of all. for the sakes of us all. farewell so long cause i was wrong i guess. yeah, it wont the first time. farewell. just another ive invested me into. and been disappointed. people disaapoint and theres one thing we'll never learn and thats how not to hurt eachother. because i wont tell you exactly what im thinking and what i want you to do. because that defeats the purpose of just knowing. and just knowing is better. because it means you see me and understand. im beginning to see though that things are changing and shifting and shaping. all for the good. and some are breaking. all for the better. and life. it goes on. these words may have been typed before and read before and heard before but i am not stealing them. because i am feeling and thinking these words. they express me just as well as others who have used them. we are all only borrowing words. words, words, words. they belong to no one and are borrowed by all. and while im on the subject of borrowing, im also running on borrowed time. it is what i do with this time that means something or doesnt. sure i read into everything. thats why im here now. moodle was down and so instead of studying for my test in an hourish i have chosen to blog. i give up quite easily. move on to something different. maybe thats what it is. im giving up too soon. and you know its always little things. like lunch. and it goes both ways. little things like facebook statuses. or twitter. or little things like hellos and goodbyes. the tone in ones voice. the look in ones eyes. the touch of ones hands. its always little things. always. and it goes both ways. and ill always tell myself ill do better next time. sometimes i do. sometimes i dont. this time i will. because we're all running on borrowed time. ee cummings has always been a favorite of mine. right up there beside emily dickinson. well their writings make me feel something. no senseless words. just simply put. and easy to read. maybe its me. but i loved poetry setions in high school. i would read all i could find in the literature books. but ee and emily stood out to me. they didnt forcefully break the mold. they just did. because thats who they were. they didnt try. im no historian but i can sense the humanity and the humility in every piece. they are not my heros though. for i have no hero. only a savior. because i am terribly and utterly wrong. and in desperate need of grace. and times are changing. and days will come when all will know and will see. something. not nothing anymore. if its the little things that get to me and get me then it must be the little things i use to get to others. to get others. little things. like lunch. and it goes both ways. change. why do we change. in order to grow. why do we grow. in order to feel possibly. oh but i feel already. in order to experience perhaps. perhaps. i just want it to be easy. so maybe thats why its rough. maybe. and i dont know wont work anymore. because we do know. and we wonder. are they just fillers. fillers in of the time. until we find. that what or who that makes us happy. she said it but i agree. or maybe not agree but have been pondering since. i was supposed to read michah today. i didnt. i didnt do a lot of things i was supposed to do in life. in the past. things i wanted to do but never did. was afraid for some reason. like that time i wanted to sing a song and i didnt. or that time i wanted to dance and i didnt. or that time that i wanted to cry and i didnt. or that time i wanted to tell you and i didnt. i didnt. i didnt. im sorry. the title of this entry has already changed three times in the course of my writing. hmm. change. maybe it is all about change after all. i mean it is the reason we cry. the reason we smile. because times are changing. yes a change is gonna come and change is coming. the context does it all. to make it happy or sad. all of the above perhaps. perhaps. and now im back to the original title. change. symbolism? always. change. but im afraid.